Staring into the ‘Dark’

How is it possible, that you look up and see darkness, you look down and see same darkness. You look around, the sun is up, looks like it should be bright but somehow, you can’t connect with the light or brightness around you.

What would this be called? A dark space in your mind?

… a space of hopelessness?

… a helpless state or a time of reckoning?

… why  call this a dark space? It is not really but lacks color and feelings

Maybe I should just call it space. Calling it a name, makes no difference. It is, what it is, I know I  don’t want to be in it.

I was walking to the cafeteria, a lady asked me, are you counting steps? I looked at her in surprise. No I said, just going to get some nosh. She insisted, I looked like I was counting steps.  I didn’t know, I walked like a contemplative. So much  for thoughts of walking from all this. Probably won’t get far with at this pace.

I want to drive till my tank is empty. No place to go, just feel like driving. I’ll lay my head when I drain the tank. Won’t know the difference because night feels just like day to me.

Once upon a time I know a girl.  She looked like me but saw light and colors all the time. The is my oyster she was know to say. I’ll be whatever my little mind dreams up and  no one can stop me.  Lot’s of times I look for those dreams. they are out there some where, but I have a hard time finding  the path.

You see the space that is neither dark nor light comes with issues. It feels like molasses and dulls the desire to reach. I yearn and yearn for that space with colors and light and hope that it may be just round the corner.

I don’t know many things but there are a few I know

… tomorrow will being a better day

… that little girl and her dreams is still somewhere  within me

… there is a God (the Lord Jesus Christ) and I have given my life to Him. In Him I trust and know he’ll bring a better tomorrow

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

 

 

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